Screentime

The April school holidays are fast approaching and I know in my family, screentime can really escalate when school is out. Disclaimer: I am not a gamer. So I want to thank my friend Maree for helping me by reviewing this post which has drawn on several sources (cited at the end of the article).

Reframing Screen Time: A Neuro-Affirming and Inclusive Guide

As a psychologist, the conversation around screen time is one of the most frequent topics that comes up in my work with neurodivergent individuals and their families. For years, the narrative has been dominated by fear and warnings of excessive use, often painting a picture of digital engagement as inherently negative. This has led to a lot of guilt and conflict in households, particularly for Autistic and ADHD folk, for whom digital worlds can be a lifeline. As parents, clinicians, and as a community, our role can move away from policing and demonising screens towards approaching screentime with curiosity and respect.

I get it!! I’m a parent. But we need to make the uncomfortable shift away from the often shaming “You’re always on your screen!” and start asking the more important, nuanced questions: “What are you doing on screens? How does it make you feel? And what needs is this activity meeting for you?” This post asks us to think about reframing our understanding of screen time, celebrating its benefits for neurodivergent minds, and offering practical, affirming strategies for navigating the digital landscape in a way that balances the needs of everyone in the family.

While this post focuses on parenting a screen user – it can equally apply to adult gamers too. 

Quality over Quantity

The most common concern I hear from parents is about the sheer number of hours their child spends on their device and online. While research has linked very high levels of screen time to issues like poor sleep and mental health symptoms, it’s also clear that not all screen time is created equal. Consider the difference between:

Passive screen time: This is when we consume content, like scrolling through social media or watching videos on YouTube or Netflix.

Active screen time: This involves two-way engagement, chatting to friends and playing video games, where we are actively problem-solving, creating, and interacting.

Research increasingly shows that the context and content of screen time are what truly matter. For many neurodivergent people, active screen time, particularly gaming, offers significant benefits that are often overlooked.

Benefits of Screens

Instead of being “always” being a “waste of time,” using devices for gaming can be a rich and validating experience, offering unique opportunities for growth, connection, and regulation.

Social Connection on Your Own Terms: We know that putting people in the same physical space doesn’t automatically create friendships. For many Autistic and ADHD individuals, the unstructured and unpredictable nature of in-person socialising can be exhausting. Online gaming can provide a shared interest and a common goal. It’s in learning how to work together as a team, building off each other’s strengths in a game that we might see genuine age-appropriate friendships form.

Communication Flexibility: The non-autistic, neurotypical world often defaults to spoken communication. When you’re tired, overwhelmed, or simply prefer other methods, this can be a huge barrier. Games and apps offer alternatives. You can use voice chat, text chat, or non-verbal emotes and gestures to communicate. This allows for processing time and connection in a way that honours your capacity and preference on any given day.

A Predictable World: The real world can feel chaotic and unpredictable. Games, by contrast, operate on clear rules and mechanical boundaries. You know what you can and can’t do. For an Autistic brain that thrives on predictability, this structure can be incredibly comforting. Within that structure, an ADHD brain can find the freedom to experiment, explore, and learn in a hands-on, engaging way. It’s an AuADHD blend of structure and flexibility. 

Burnout Recovery and Emotional Regulation: School and work can be incredibly draining, leading to sensory and social overload. Coming home and diving into a game can be a vital way to decompress and recover. It provides a low-demand, non-verbal space to engage in a special interest, helping to modulate stress and manage Autistic burnout. If you notice screen time increasing, it may be a sign that the person is in burnout and using their interest to self-regulate from the demands of their environment.

Accessibility: Gaming transcends physical and geographical barriers. Many ND folk experience co-occuring physical conditions or illnesses. For individuals with chronic pain, fatigue, connective tissue issues like Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, or mobility challenges, gaming is an accessible way to find mental stimulation and social connection. It allows you to connect with friends from bed on a high-pain day or join a community without needing to drive or navigate inaccessible public spaces.

Navigating the Challenges of Screens
Of course, it’s not all straightforward. There are real challenges to manage, from online safety to the impact on sleep and attention.

Gender, Safety, and Inappropriate Behaviour

The stereotype of a gamer is often a teenage boy, but the reality is that nearly half of gamers in Australia are women, and the average age is 35. Gaming is for everyone. However, gendered stereotypes persist, and online spaces are not always safe, particularly for women, girls, and gender-diverse people. Harassment is a real issue, and it’s vital to equip ourselves and our children with the skills to handle it.

Practical Strategies for Parents:

Game with your kids! Get them to teach you their favourite game. This is a fantastic way to connect and understand their world. It positions them as the expert and shows you take their interests seriously.

Review settings together. Sit down and go through the privacy, blocking, and reporting features on their games and platforms. Discuss why and when to use these tools.

Talk about respectful behaviour. Discuss what friendly vs. unfriendly behaviour looks like, both online and offline. Blowing up someone’s house in Minecraft is disrespectful, just like stealing their pens at school. The core principles are the same.

Create a safety plan. Let your child know they can always come to you if something makes them uncomfortable, and they will not get in trouble. The fear of having their access to games (and friends) taken away is the biggest reason kids don’t report problems.

Involve your young person in the plan. Your child and you are more likely to stick to the rules when both parties have contributed to the screen usage agreement and feel that it is fair. It’s ok to have different plans based on individuals such as age, websites, internet access and so on.

Focus on balance, not just time. Where possible, avoid limiting or taking away screens and online time as a punishment (this may inflate its importance to children). A screen time ‘budget’ can work for some families, giving children autonomy over when they use their allotted time – transition any changes collaboratively. Using timers to signal transitions can also help, especially if you give warnings (e.g., “10 minutes left!”), allowing them to finish a level or reach a save point. The key question is not only “How many hours?”, but rather: Is gaming negatively affecting other important areas of life, such as hygiene, schoolwork, chores, or in-person relationships?

Practical Strategies for Everyone:

Protect your peace. It is okay to set boundaries. You are allowed to block people. You are allowed to use a gender-neutral username or turn off voice chat if it makes you more comfortable.

Curate your experience. You don’t have to engage with features that cause you stress. For example, find dedicated groups through platforms like Discord or Facebook. There are many neurodivergent-affirming gaming communities out there.

Listen to your needs. Choose games based on what you need in that moment. A stressful day at work might call for the catharsis of a fighting game. A day when you’re feeling depleted might be perfect for the gentle, cosy or creative world.

Sleep Sleep issues are very common for neurodivergent people, and screens can interfere. Prioritise sleep hygiene.

Balance your passive content diet. Intentionally consume more long-form content. Watch a full-length film, read a chapter of a book, or listen to a long-form podcast. The high-dopamine rush of short-form content (like TikTok) can impact our capacity for sustained attention.

Pause for Reflection

How are you using screens? What is your need that is being met? reflect on your own sensory needs and capacity. It is okay to need a break. It is also okay for your child to use screens to self-regulate while you take that break. It’s about finding a balance that honours everyone’s needs.

The next time you worry about your child’s screen time, pause and ask: What need might this be meeting right now? Is it social connection? Decompression? Creative expression? Predictability?

Open a conversation with your child or partner about what they love about their favourite game. Ask them to show you. Share in their joy and enter their world with them. Turn in when they make a bid for connection.

If gaming is starting to feel unhealthy or compulsive, look at the bigger picture. Is the person in burnout? Are their needs for connection, autonomy, and regulation being met in other areas of their life? The issue might not be the game itself, but the environment they are trying to cope with.

Consider creating a family plan for leisure and fun together that doesn’t involve screens for anyone, and is ideally child- or teen- led. 

By shifting our perspective from fear to curiosity, we can support our neurodivergent loved ones in building a healthy, joyful, and affirming relationship with technology.

References 

Blum-Ross, A., & Livingstone, S. (2018). The trouble with “screen time” rules. In G. Mascheroni, C. Ponte, & A. Jorge (Eds.), Digital parenting: the challenges for families in the digital age (pp. 179–192). Nordicom.

eSafety Commisioner Screen time

Ophir, Y., Rosenberg, M., & Tikochinski, T. (2023). Screen time and autism spectrum disorder: a systematic review and meta-analysis. European Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, 32(4), 553-573.

Sanders, T., Zabatiero, J., & Straker, L. (2024). Exploring differences in screen time between children and adolescents with and without a disability: a systematic review and meta-analysis. Disability and Rehabilitation