Summer Social Demands

Thriving, Not Just Surviving the Holiday Season

I’m all about pattern recognition and I’ve noticed a common theme as the end of the year approaches. When the end of year calendars fill up with family, work, and social events, many of the neurodivergent people I work with feel a growing sense of dread. The pressure to be social and put up with people who you otherwise never interact with during the summer festive season, coupled with an explosion of social gatherings for work, family, and friends, can feel less like a celebration and more like an endurance test.

Life as a neurodivergent individual is often already exhausting. Navigating a world not built for your brain takes a significant amount of physical, emotional, and mental energy. Add the seasonal shift—the intense heat in Australia or the deep cold in Europe—and the weight of personal and family life, and it’s no wonder so many of us feel overwhelmed. I acknowledge your struggle. I want to offer you a space to pause, feel the weight of it all, and offer yourself compassion. Instead of just surviving the holidays, I hope that within this post you find some ideas that resonate, that will give to you moments of peace, connection, and even joy, on your own terms.

Why This Time Can Be So Hard

The holiday season often amplifies the daily challenges of being neurodivergent. Recognising these specific hurdles is the first step toward managing them.

Processing Time: You might need more time (like a week or more) to wind down from the year, before you can even begin to relax or get into holiday mode.

Sensory Overload: Crowded shopping centres, loud family gatherings, flashing lights, and a cacophony of new smells can quickly overwhelm the nervous system. What is festive for some can be painfully intense for others.

Disrupted Routines: For many Autistic and ADHD individuals, routines are a lifeline. They provide predictability and reduce anxiety. The holidays completely disrupt these structures with unpredictable schedules, travel, and different meal times, leading to stress and dysregulation for some.

Social Exhaustion: The expectation to socialise is at an all-time high. This can mean navigating complex, unspoken social rules, engaging in small talk, and “masking” for extended periods, which is incredibly draining. The pressure to perform joy and gratitude might be inauthentic and exhausting for you.

Complex Family Dynamics: Returning to family environments can bring up challenging dynamics. Families may have rigid, unspoken expectations based on neurotypical, cultural or family norms. A need for alone time might be misinterpreted as rudeness, or a passionate interest might be dismissed. This clash between the need to be authentic and the pressure to conform can create friction, anxiety, and resentment.

Your Holiday Self-Care Toolkit

Self-care isn’t a luxury; it’s a fundamental necessity for navigating this period – for everyone. It’s about intentionally choosing what nourishes and protects your energy. 

Sensory and Environmental Care

Create a sensory-friendly base: Designate a space in your home that is a guaranteed sanctuary – whether you need this place to be a sensory seeking haven or calm den. This is your safe place to retreat to.

Pack a ‘go-bag’: When heading to an event, bring a portable kit with sensory tools. This could include noise-cancelling headphones, sunglasses, fidget toys, a weighted lap pad, something to chew or pick at, or a comforting scent.

Scout a safe space: At any gathering, identify a quiet room or area where you can go to decompress if you feel overwhelmed. Don’t be afraid to communicate this need to your host beforehand.

Control your environment: Take an active role in decorations. Perhaps concentrate them in one area instead of all over the house, especially if you have sensory seekers who love flashing lights and colourful decorations and sensory avoiders who prefer soft, steady lights or none at all. Your comfort in your own space matters.

Emotional and Social Care

Set firm, kind boundaries: It is okay to say “no”. You do not have to attend every event. You can leave early. You can choose to engage in ways that feel right for you. You can open presents later or earlier. You can not hug or kiss. Practice phrases like, “Thank you for the invitation, but I won’t be able to make it,” without feeling the need to over-explain.

Schedule intentional alone time: Block out time in your calendar for solitude. This isn’t anti-social; it’s essential for recharging your social battery.

Connect meaningfully: Prioritise spending time with people who understand and support you. A quiet, one-on-one catch-up can be far more fulfilling than a large, noisy party.

Use visual supports: A visual calendar or a social story detailing upcoming events can reduce anxiety by making the schedule predictable. Knowing what to expect gives you a sense of control.

Practical and Physical Care

Protect your routine: While some disruption is inevitable, try to protect core parts of your daily routine, such as your sleep schedule or morning coffee ritual. These anchors provide stability.

Nourish your body: Amidst the festive treats, try to eat nutritious meals that support your energy levels and well-being. If certain foods at gatherings are an issue, it’s perfectly acceptable to bring your own.

Embrace movement: Find physical activities you genuinely enjoy. This isn’t about “earning” your food; it’s about regulating your nervous system. Meeting your movement needs is regulating and can be incredibly grounding.

Advocate for yourself: Whether it’s stating your needs to family, requesting accommodations at a work event, or simply giving yourself permission to do things differently, self-advocacy is a powerful form of self-care. You don’t need to explain or elaborate.

Redefine and Reclaim

This holiday season, I invite you to give yourself permission to redefine what a “successful” holiday looks like.

Maybe it isn’t about attending every party.
Maybe it’s about having one meaningful conversation or deep diving into your interest alone.
Maybe it isn’t a big, traditional meal.
Maybe it’s enjoying your favourite comfort food in peace.
Maybe it’s not about being joyful on demand.
Maybe it’s about honouring your true feelings, whatever they may be.

Forget the pressure to conform. Create a celebration that aligns with your unique rhythm and your individual needs. The most important thing is to create a season (a life!!) filled with moments of comfort, understanding, and authentic happiness. You have the right to not only survive the holidays but to shape them in a way that allows you to thrive.

As always, I wish you a safe and restorative end to the year.